The Inheritance of Narcissism: Healing the Father Wound
I was born and raised in Parbat, a hilly district of Nepal by a single mother in a poor family. My world was limited to our mud house. My dad was a womaniser and left home to start another family when I was three years old. My mother was not just left alone to provide for her children but endured oppressive control under the guardianship of her in-laws. I grew up seeing physical and verbal abuse at home.
I had no emotional connection with my father but little did I know that my low confidence, social anxiety and inability to make friends were connected to his intermittent and unreliable presence in our lives. He only showed up when he needed something from us and made promises which were always broken. New car and expensive Keto diet for him, ignored calls and unpaid fees for me. I learnt not to trust him. I was dealing with a neglectful grandiose narcissist as a father.
I walked around the world in a hyper vigilant state constantly scanning for danger. In public spaces I felt people were staring at me, judging me. I was living a me vs.the world narrative walking around like a wounded cat, ready to attack!
Because of my experiences with my father, I did not learn how to trust and build relationships. Instead, I built walls around me, I judged people harshly, I was rude to them, and in no time I became a people repellent.That worked for me because in my belief people were not trustworthy anyway. It saved me from getting betrayed further. This old belief kept me safe but at the same time created a life that felt extremely lonely. I craved deep connections and friendships but lacked the ability to put my guard down and let people in my life.
The reason why I am able to narrate this story is because I was able to piece all of this together during my sessions with Sneh. She helped me bring to light emotions that I had piled onto the 'I am never going to visit these again' bucket. Over time, I learnt to stay present to every emotion including that of betrayal and anger. A veil of heaviness has lifted over my shoulders and I have started looking forward to my days. I am happier and more confident now. I am learning to trust once again. Healing is an uncomfortable journey. It requires patience and courage. I have been on this path for the past eight months.
Recently, I took on a 21 day challenge where I am learning to have one social interaction a day. It can be something as small as making eye contact with a stranger and smiling, or petting someone's dog in the park. Working with Sneh has not just eased my pain; it has given me access to a life filled with connection and joy.
Rita, Parbat, Nepal
